Election News 2016: ‘The Invisible Party’

A New Political Party have entered the race for Government.

THE INVISIBLE PARTY

Fears are growing in Dáil Éireann today. An exciting new Party have rolled out snippets of their Government Manifesto.
The new Party claim they will work for free, if they are voted into power. Although the new Party’s Candidates have yet to be seen, they promise to change the face of the country.

Manifesto Highlights

1. The Invisible Party refuse to charge people for water, in fact they promise to turn all household water into wine, every weekend.

2. The Invisible Party, guarantee all corruption will vanish from our Banking System. Any financial institution who gave 100% mortgages will be asked to pay 20% off the said mortgages involved. If the institutions refuse to cooperate, their biscuit allowance for the year will be withdrawn.

3. The Invisible Party would like to promise everyone a Swimming Pool for their street. They believe everyone should know how to swim today and are eager to save future voters from further economic drowning.

4. The Invisible Party recognise Ireland’s urgent need for housing. They promise to send priests to ghost estates for immediate exorcisms. They ensure that all property developers will be extradited from Spain and made return to estates to finish work. They promise there will be affordable housing for every citizen in the country. The Invisible Party will firstly house homeless families.

5. The Invisible Party believe everyone in the country has the right to affordable eating. Retailers will be monitored on food pricing, all fresh food, fruit and vegetables will be priced lower than sweets and confectionary. This will lower the cost of the State’s Dental bills, whilst cutting pounds of the Nation’s waistlines.

6. The Invisible Party promise to place more beds in hospitals. They ensure more nurses and doctors will be employed. No citizen of Ireland will be left on a trolley under the care if the Invisible Party.
A hospital for the Corrupt and Politically Insane will be built with adequate Sleeping Bags and Floor Mats. The new Institution will be staffed by the long term unemployed. A rehabilitation program will be offered to the corrupt, however research will have to be carried out to examine whether there is a possibility of further corruption by the inpatients.

The Invisible Party promise not to call to voters’ doors with empty promises. They ask voters to imagine a better Ireland, an Ireland with transparency and a Government who will erase the wrongdoing of their predecessors.

Candidates will soon unveil themselves. Please let us know what kind of Ireland you want to live in. The Ireland we deserve has yet to be seen.

An Peann

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